All dogs go to Heaven

I was on the Facebook when the right side of the screen pulled me in. The suggestive language(suggestive does not always have to mean sexy, does it?) of the average advertisement seemed to be transformed from a request to a command as I read the words: "8 veterinarians are online! Ask a question about your dog's disease, get an answer ASAP." You got it Dr. Scott, who has 9 years of small animal, equine and pocket pet medicine and surgery experience, Ima ask away.Apparently Dr. Scott was trumped by a "DrAndy" who seemed far less professional. He asked me to make a $9, $15 or $30 deposit in order to get my answer. When these fine men and women made the decision to save the lives of Earth's animals, were they only thinking of money? It makes me sick to think of all the decent people I can't seem to find anymore. What if Corbin, my three year old Jack Russel Terrier, does have swine flu? I turned to the internet for answers and once again the only way I can get them is if I offer up 16 digits. Forget you DrAndy and forget you Dr. Scott. Forget you Dr. Loyata and your UC Davis degree. Double Stuf all of you, straight up.

I'll have you know I gave "DrAndy" a $15 deposit.

It is fully refundable should I find his answer unsatisfactory. As I got deeper and deeper into www.justanswer.com I found that refunding would be much more difficult than anticipated. I ended up talking to Camille on the phone for about 30 minutes. It's good to have a use for my weekend minutes, but I never thought it would be with Camille and for this reason. She was a smooth talker, but all who are familiar with me know that I'm as smooth as they come. After listening to her spiel for about 8 minutes, I made the vomit noise that I've been made famous for. She asked if I was okay and what that sound was. I told her it was the sound of my body rejecting the crap she was trying to feed me. She did not find that clever but I hit her with some more gold during the course of our conversation. After what I am calling "War of Wits '09" I not only got my $15 back, but I got a $25 gift certificate to Home Depot. Those changes I wanted to make to the attic are about to come to fruition.

Who won in all of this? Certainly not Corbin. You could have saved a life Dr. Scott, but you had DrAndy pounce on me. Shame on you. Shame on all of you. Also, who will be driving me to Home Depot?