Portland Trailblazers

I've been playing Oregon Trail like it's my job today. Special thanks to Dane for getting me excited about it. Dane wasn't able to change disks halfway through the game, so I thought I'd take over his wagon as team leader with Meg, Dane, Brooke and Eric as my team. As a farmer from Illinois, things didn't look good, but i'd like to document our journey for you from start to finish, lets see how it goes.

We started off in Independence on April 1, 1848- no foolin'. After being on the trail for about 3 weeks, Meg got into some trouble. After having travelled just over 600 miles, Meg broke her leg. I slowed down the pace of the team and took a few days off but it wasn't enough. On May 3, 1848 we woke up to a sad scene:

We continued the trek and one evening around the campfire we were having an arm wrestling competition. Brooke and Dane were in the semifinals against each other and Dane took it a little too far.

There was a lot of contention after that wrestling competition. Dane and Brooke actually didn't speak for almost 3 weeks. Then, one morning Brooke spit in Dane's cream of wheat and he got very upset. I've never heard him yell so loudly. "GO TAKE A HIKE!" he screamed. Brooke took his advice.

We found her with a local indian tribe. She had feathers in her hair and so many dream catchers around her neck. She never was the same after that. Two days after she joined back up with team "sexy back" she contracted Typhoid. Being the only living women on our team really took its toll on her. About a month later we made it to the Green River. Eric danced on the shores of the green river and really got team morale up. He actually met a young lady on the shores of that river. Her name was Zenobia and she was so weird. I kept telling Eric he was only with her because she had what seemed to be a never ending stash of the ganja leaf. He denied it.

Towards the end of the hot month of July, Dane came down with dysentery. He would get so hungry and just beg and beg for some buffalo wings. He complained that this was the only thing he could hold down/up. As a strong, able-bodied, sexy, accurate, rugged, robust man, I took to the forest to get my team some buffalo wings.

Yeah, thats right, I'm a man.

Throughout the trip, Eric and I never seemed to get sick, break anything, get lost, light anything on fire, etc. Eric never really complained until our team and Zenobia's team decided on different routes. We stopped for 2 days and she just wept in his arms. It was a rather uncomfortable thing to watch. She gave him a small portion of her stash and went on her way. After about a week, I heard Eric's first complaint:

Many things happened after this. Broken wheels, wagon fires, dead oxen, shoshoni indian guides that took our clothes and dog fights. However, on September 7, 1848 we arrived in beautiful Willamette Valley, Oregon.

It's gorgeous, sorry you missed it Meg.

And just to prove I beat it:

Number 2 of the Oregon Top Ten. It feels good to be a winner.